I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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