Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
