This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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