if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
