I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
