Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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