24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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