I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
