You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
