i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
