I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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