Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
