also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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