You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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