conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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