i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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