i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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