Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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