When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
