I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
