im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
