I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
