Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
