the condom got lost in my hair
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
