if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
