Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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