let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
