Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
