omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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