Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
