genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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