Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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