he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
