Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
