I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she looked like the before picture.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
