My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
