How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am spending my child support on dildos
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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