im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
