Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
