You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
