Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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