how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
