Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
