remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Randomize
