can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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