I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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