TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
