I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
