you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
