sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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