can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
