quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she told me i tasted like america
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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