Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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