I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
