Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
